A DESCENT INTO A NIGHTMARE

18-06-20

(A poem collaged from randomised messages between me and my partner made for the creation of Going Ghost by Leah Marojevic, June 2020)

I love your 5 am niceness,
No idea what it all means.
I just wanna touch you…
Half formed dreams.

Half formed in bed,
A huge collage of different events, and I can’t really remember them very well, so I thought I’d write it down instead.

I believe she is far beyond capable of entering my innocent dreamy state,
And I’ve just noticed now that you’re right, it is late.
Human withdrawal has to be a valid condition because it feels so real.
Dream of me.
Dream of something extravagant.
Dream of us.
Don’t let that dream fade away I suppose.

Had crazy dreams about Amsterdam and you and sex and bikes,
And arms becoming chewing gum, and lattes that were iced.
And being disorganised, and lava in water, and
I had another dream that you were ignoring me!!!! Stop ignoring me!!!!!!!!

That seems like an obscurely human dream for you,
That I hope I don’t fall back into.
You woke up genuinely upset at me,
It’s still very much resonating in my sad body.

We had a sort of playground space made out of each other and now it’s GONE.
This dreamscape is eroding and soon there will be none.
Dreams couple therapy sessions sound so millennial it’s painful,
A perversion of basic human interaction,
Unnecessary reaction.

Nevertheless I will be using this hotline.
And you can tell me about your nightmare later,
But I just woke up from the second of two really awful dreams in which you featured. Half formed dreams.